the other end of the paintbrush

I’ve always loved graffiti. It fascinates me… mostly the part about rebelling. I guess that’s something I was just born with. Anyway, I recently watched Exit through the Gift Shop which I HIGHLY recommend… I guess you could say it was the inspiration on the set design that @trippcrosby and I came up with. It took some convincing Tripp - of course he is the brains behind the camera for the video shoot - and I am just the artist doing what I do best, creating and painting from my brain with NO plan. So I just wanted to let you in on the process of creating this set. It was a lot of fun… I would recommend watching Exit through the Gift Shop and then creating some graffiti of your own… great way to spend the weekend.

I painted this for my Dad. He recently wrote a book about parenting. The thing I respect most about him, he doesn’t think he did it all right. In fact, he probably thinks he did more wrong than he actually did. I don’t think he takes enough credit for the right. But at the end of the day, he is willing to keep fighting for our hearts. Even when we make it really hard.

“No one has more potential to influence a child than a parent.”

We are in the midst of a storm, somewhere between life and death. As one, it would be presumptuous to think that I can change the world. I can only hope that I have some influence for the better, in small ways… but hopefully in the lives of those I love.

The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore. ” - Vincent Van Gogh

Twenty four years of my life has been spent taking chances. From the time I was born, I wanted to do what was unexpected… I did exactly what someone said not to do, for the mere curiosity in my soul. As I got older, that intense desire to know and understand the world grew. Growing up in a “Christian” home probably meant that in some ways I was more sheltered than most; but that alone sent me off to experience the ‘outside’ world because I didn’t want to miss out. Although, I do think because of the environment I grew up in, I was exposed to a world that most people never see; The inside world of pastors, ministers, children’s leaders and worship leaders.

Everyone has their junk. I know that. I’m not judging… but I just feel like (growing up in ministry) these people were all put on stage and it was just natural to think they were, I don’t know, more spiritual? holier than thou? just better people? And then, as a kid, you hear the junk, you see it… and the world starts to make a lot less sense. For so long you are made to think that these people are close to perfect, because they are so scared to let anyone into their real lives; their mistakes; and when they finally fall hard enough for everyone to see, faith that was built on broken people, breaks.

So, I rebelled… a lot… and I don’t really regret it… sure, I would take back a few decisions… but at the end of it all, I couldn’t get to this part without experiencing some major storms, even if I was the ultimate cause… The storms defined who God really is to me, and how broken I am without him.

Charles Kettering

Lou Holtz

I don’t know what it is, and maybe every artist feels it at some point… but recently I ran into a number of insecurities that are associated with me being an artist. I’m surrounded by creative people, and although that’s an amazing thing most of the time, it can be very humbling and discouraging. Sometimes I question my ability to do this. Then I hit walls of people trying to copy my work, or try and break me down in some way… and honestly, I’m not a competitive person, so there are times when (for a split second) I let myself get all negative and disillusioned about reality. 

It only takes moments for me to wake up to reality: I KNOW this is what I am supposed to be doing. It fills me up too much to not be right.

I have this burning desire deep in my soul to paint, create, and design. Ever since the day I figured out that this is who I am, I have felt a sense of freedom, no longer needing to search for what I was meant to do and be, and I gained an overwhelmingly powerful drive to put my energy and effort into what feeds my soul. This is a gift that I hope I never take for granted. <3

I was created to be creative. From this truth, the strength and power I have found inside myself has allowed me to FIGHT for who I am, and motivated me to just get BETTER. It has give me an ATTITUDE of endurance and I will NOT let this go, because this is ME, and I will not lose my essence. I will continue to grow, and let the negativity force every tiny fraction of creativity out of myself and into my work.

Now, it’s partly your responsibility to hold me to these words. much LOVE. - Hannah Renae

“He only profits from praise who values criticism.” - Heinrich Heine

Dear creative rascals,

This week has been interesting. It was my week off from SCAD, and I start classes again on Monday, which I am really looking forward to. I will be taking figure drawing… lots of naked models… should be fun, at least for you guys, who get to see my completed work ;)

Thoughts for this week: If you copy, it means you’re working without any real feeling. No two people on earth are alike, and it’s got to be that way in art or it isn’t art. It’s better to figure out your own path, who YOU are, rather than just trying to follow in someone else’s footsteps. With that said, learn from the best, idolize the people who are where you want to be, and don’t be afraid to fail, because you will, many times, before you reach a place you can call “you”.

I wanted to let you guys in on a really cool organization that I will be working with this new season in my life, “Art on Atlanta.” Here is a little bit about what they do…

• Art on Atlanta is committed to changing the lives of people with spinal cord and brain injuries through art therapy. Art on Atlanta is unique. It is refreshing.
• It is a non-profit organization that serves a dual charitable purpose.
• First, Art on Atlanta supports unrepresented Atlanta visual artists through innovative internet-based presentations, public relations campaigns and special events.
•  Second, powered by our visual arts promotion program, Art on Atlanta raises charitable contributions to provide therapeutic opportunities to people with spinal cord and brain injuries through art therapy.

I feel very honored that I was asked to be a part of this group. Tonight, is the first event I will be participating in. Of course it’s cocktail dress attire, so shopping consisted of some great quality sister time. I also asked a few of my creative friends for their input on what kind of painting I should do. I was advised to do something that means a lot to me, so I incorporated different subjects from my 3 day drive in South Africa this past month. My piece will be auctioned off at the Ritz Carlton downtown tonight.

If you would like to attend the event, here is a link… http://www.artonatlanta.org/sponsorship.html

<3 Thanks for tuning in on the new opportunities in my life. I’m stoked about this new season.

I remember graduating from high school and feeling like I didn’t have any real friends. Of course I had people I could hang out with, get in trouble with, or call if I was having boy problems. But I didn’t have REAL, genuine, authentic friends. People that spoke truth in my life; People that I could trust; Women who didn’t gossip or play games, and truly cared about me. Now, all of a sudden, I’m at a place in my life where I have so many amazing friends, men and women. I literally feel like my life is full. I know I don’t deserve this. It’s something that I have really been thinking about a lot lately.

So, my dear friends…

I don’t know where you all came from, or why, and I sure don’t know what it is you think you see in me to care this much. But coming from a really strange and difficult few years, I cannot express my gratitude to all of you for sticking around, listening to me, defending me, standing with me, and just walking along side me through this journey we call life. I literally don’t know where I would be without you. Friends, you are precious and adored. Love.

Here are a few paintings I made for some of these people… XO

I actually wrote this in Feb. of 2008 - but today, I’m re-living and learning it.

I honestly believe the hardest thing in this world to do is to forgive someone. Obviously not the kid who accidentally wet his pants, or even intentionally wet his pants, but the people who we hold to a higher standard than what they live out in reality. It’s not so hard to forgive them because they proved us wrong, or because they did something stupid. I think the reason it’s so hard is because we put hope in them. Hope that the world is good, that people are good, hope that proves we can make it in this world and we can lean on them. Then when they let us down hard, we lose hope. We forget they are human. We want answers. I have so many questions, “Why”, “What were you thinking”, “How could you do this to me, to everyone”, “How could you use me like that”, the list could go on for as long as I’m alive. But finally I hit rock bottom. By losing my hope I’m poisoning myself, even though I was not at fault, I am at fault now. I only have myself to blame for holding a human being on a platform that they could not stand on.

I think sometimes it’s so much easier to find our strength and our hope in people because they are tangible and they can make us feel like we have everything we need. When the reality soaks in that people will fail you, and that’s where you have put all your hope and trust, it leaves you empty. Which I guess is the answer to where we should put our hope, our trust, and our hearts.

It makes me wonder, does God want things like this to happen because he is pushing all these people to lean on him COMPLETELY and not just half-heartedly? I mean, let’s be honest, who is leaning on him completely? I think we buy into this lie that we can trust people and we can rely on people, but we really can’t at all. I’m not saying that we should never trust anyone, and we should just shut everyone out of our lives, but at the end of the day, everyone in your life that you will ever love WILL at some point hurt you, some of them a lot worse than others.

I honestly feel like God finally slapped me in the face and he was screaming at me “Lean on ME. Trust ME. Love ME. I am perfect. I will not let you down. I will be there for you. I am your example. Not THEM. ME. I will be there for you when no one else is. As much as they want to love you, as much as they want to be there for you, as much as they want to protect you, they cannot. I can. Let ME.” I feel like I have been sleeping for such a long time, and I just finally woke up realizing that I have made too many other things and people my Gods, my idols.

Now I’m faced with the reality of this extremely broken world. That’s a VERY hard concept to understand. It hurts. It doesn’t seem fair, it doesn’t seem right, it’s not right. There are people left very VERY scarred, there are people that will forever be affected, there are people that will never trust again, there are people that have no idea, and the hardest part for me are the people that need to be forgiven.

So I leave with this truth: We are human: which sometimes means we are very stupid. We are loved: and we don’t deserve it at all, but we are loved and we are loved equally. We are forgiven: and whether we ever really truly understand that we are called to forgive.

Today I choose to keep no record of wrongs. I will be patient. I will fight for this no matter how hard it gets and no matter how much of it I understand. I owe my life to Him, and that’s what I am going to try and give everyday.

When I was in high school students were basically forced to take some kind of elective every year. I remember wishing that we could just skip all that and get out of school early. It wasn’t until I was a few years out of high school that I was really thankful for my school pushing me to take electives. I always picked art, even though all my friends took other classes. My art teacher really challenged me and I really loved drawing and painting. Fast forward a few years out of high school… I hadn’t really painted for a while. A few reasons… it’s expensive and I would have rather bought clothes, it took up time and I was probably spending it with some boy, and quite frankly I wasn’t really confident in myself; I didn’t think I was good enough. I compared myself to people who had already defined who they were as artists and I knew I didn’t measure up. Then I went on several trips to different countries all over the world. My eyes were suddenly open to the real brokenness of the world. I experienced many life changing moments that opened my eyes to the fragility of life. This is a very broken world and among the brokenness we find the utmost beauty, which reveals our purpose for living. I really don’t know what sparked the motivation in me, but all of the sudden colors were pouring out of me, I had so many words and images I wanted to put on canvases. I wanted to impact people. I was given such a strong desire to help others’ mark memories that they could keep forever. I found that I needed this passion to help drive who I am, more than the rest of the world needed me to be an artist. Through art, I have really fallen in love. I have found something that let’s me truly express who I am and who I want to be. No one can take that away. I truly believe that God gives everyone “something”… some kind of passion or strong desire to do something that allows them to experience a part of themselves that they desperately need in order to understand who He is. This is mine. This is part of my soul.